Amidst all the vomit, sleeplessness, frenzied trips to the hospital, and other turmoil of the past two weeks--which I am earnestly hoping is over--something unexpected came up.
After returning from the hospital, we had one day where the baby's health was a little shaky, but good enough that Dan and I could both go back to work.
We thought we were in the clear.
But that afternoon, Dete started throwing up, and had to leave early.
And the next morning, both E. and R. woke up with the virus, too. By six a.m., we had removed vomit-drenched sheets, cleaned barf from the floor and children's hair, and changed clothes several times.
Dete called to say she was still sick, and going to the hospital herself.
None of this, of course, was unexpected.
Dan went in to school for a couple of hours, and came home when I called to say three sick kids was getting to be a little much for me to handle on my own.
What took me by surprise, though, was the phone call I received in the afternoon, right after Ju had thrown up again, setting my maternal worry back into overdrive.
My boss at school, after expressing cursory condolences about the kids, told me he was concerned about how much work I was missing, and how this was perceived in the school community.
Are you kidding me?! You're calling when my baby was just hospitalized, and now my other children are also violently ill, in a third world country where we have almost no support network (not to mention no pediatrician), to tell me you're worried that people are gossiping about me missing work?
Well, that's what I wanted to say, but instead I stammered something mollifying, got off the phone, and promptly broke down in tears.
Dan, however, picked up the phone to call back and gave said boss a piece of his mind.
And to be fair, the director was receptive, and we had a meeting with him the next day to discuss the issue. I don't hold it against him, exactly. He's just trying to do his job, which involves appeasing many different parties.
Still, it left me with a sour taste in my mouth.
I guess as a working mother, this treatment is par for the course, and I'm sure it's not just Brazil, either.
What do you think, readers? What are your experiences with this?
a brief interlude of good health last week
8 comments:
That attitude is surprising to me, especially since my perception is that family trumps work in Brazil. However, it may have much more to do with the privileged parents of the kids that you teach, who tend to think that "the help" (and as a teacher I think you would qualify as such) have no life outside of taking care of them and theirs and can never miss work. I hope everyone cuts you some slack, it does not even sound that you have missed that much work.
My son goes to public school and last year we had to deal with multiple "days off" as the teachers went on a number of one day strikes and even though we didn´t like it (especially since we would only get about a day notice of the strike), nobody was calling the principal to complain.
As a university professor in a public university here, I must say that my experience is completely different. I have tremendous leeway about missing classes and how I make up the material missed.
However, while I don´t get flack from work, I have picked up on a strong anti working mother bias from my husband´s family. So, I think that the conflict between doing right by your kids and working (not only for $ but because you enjoy your profession) is always present for the working mother, whether in the US or Brazil.
In Brazil one parent (usually the mother) is allowed by law to take paid days to be with a kid in hospital or at home. But You have to go a long way with papers and usually to make sure to everybody that the career is important, midle class working mother rely on living nanny or housekeeper to help out. Those helpers are easily replaced in case go sick at the same time they are much needed.
I am sorry hearing so bad news. I hope everyone gets better quickly. and have the doctors found out what is the virus exactly?
Ellie, I wish I could airlift you to a hotel in an undisclosed location. The same hotel I fantasize about when my kids have been sick for a long time. It's not right that you've had to go through so much, especially with little Ju being so sick. You are such a good mother to be on top of Ju's sensitive health situation, while also trying to care for your other sick boys and work--all at the same time. And the attitude from school just adds insult to injury. I can't speak to working in Brazil, but in my experience, no one 'gets it' when you have a sick kid. Deadlines and expectations remain unchanged. It's absurd. I've been working on a alt-version of the song "Vincent" by Don McLean...I call it "Amy Poehler, Tina Fey." It's about the conundrum of working motherhood. The last line is "This world don't give a **** that your kid's sick if work is due." I'll let you know when it's up on the Coconut Girl. Peace, sister. I'm with you.
Corinne, thanks for your thoughtful reply. It's true, teachers are almost on par with "the help" at our wealthy school. Also true that as a mother (employed or not) you can't win, if you're lucky enough to have leeway at work, someone else will probably give you a hard time.
Thanks for your comment, Ana Flavia. I don't think I'm in danger of being fired, thank goodness. We definitely depend on our nanny, as you suggest, but have not found it easy to find a fill-in as qualified as she is!
Whitney, I so appreciate your caring comments. And can't wait for the song. I love your musical numbers.
Well at least you and Dan did not take it lying down. You 2 spoke up and scrapped (fought) for your rights to nurse your kids back to health.
I sometimes hate the attitude of 'jeitinho' that is so prevalent in Brazilin culture. The fact of the matter is that dehydration is nothing to play with. It can kill. There also may be some petty jealousy (haters) involved with the ‘American’ teacher married to this great guy who is such a wonderful dad. It may be a good idea not to discuss your personal home life with anyone at the school. (….We are thinking about getting a second maybe part time helper/housekeeper).
El sometimes I forget to log in as jazztech and the name that my parents gave me, Tyray show up on your site.
I’m glad that the boys are feeling better and for you (and Dan) to share these experiences for the rest of us to learn from show a real unselfishness and strength from the 2 of you.
Thanks for your kind words, Jazztech. I hadn't realized that Tyray was also you!
hope everyone is feeling back to normal. too bad you got treated the way you did.
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