nanny talk

There was an interesting article in the New York Times this week about the difficulties many mothers have communicating with their children's nannies.

It had the usual, infuriatingly glib tone of the Times style section--that smug, oblivious, assumption that takes for granted that most people have high-power corporate jobs, full-time nannies, and enormous apartments in Manhattan with Mexican tile floors and crown molding.

Beyond that, though, while the article did bring up some good points about why it may be so hard for mothers to speak to the women they employ to care for their children--guilt, honest appreciation and affection, not wanting to alienate them--I thought it overlooked an obvious one: cultural differences.

Although it was clear in the article that the women interviewed came from different cultures than their nannies, this wasn't discussed. Perhaps I'm more attuned to that aspect, since I'm in a foreign country myself, so I'm facing this cultural gap in many of my interactions, not just those with our nanny.

For example, in the article, one mother complains that her nanny toilet-trained her son at 18 months, when she wanted to wait until 2. (Really? That's something to complain about?)

But to me it seemed most likely that the nanny was just taking for granted the fact that a kid of 18 months should be potty trained. (Americans toilet train their kids way later than most of the rest of the world.)

The article also suggested that employers communicate with their nannies in writing. Now, I cannot see this going over well in Brazil--or, for that matter, with many of the nannies from other countries who these women are hiring. It just seems so cold, so clinical, so...American.

I haven't had any such issues with Dete so far. She may not choose to do things exactly the way we do, but she's very respectful of how we raise our kids.

This isn't to say it's not hard for me when I have to ask her to do something. I still feel awkward in the role of employer.

But then again, I also feel that the cultural difference means that I have a lot to learn from her. She's definitely the Brazilian person I feel closest to, and is happy to fill me in on everything from Brazilian holiday traditions to how manioc is harvested and processed. (Here she's showing me how to make cocada.)


And hey, whenever she wants to start toilet training Ju, I'm certainly not going to complain.